Friday, December 03, 2004

Maestro gets Shafted many times

Wed. May 10, 2001.
My buddy from highschool came up, Ranch, and I told BrickWall to meet me in my room.
I had met BrickWall (story as to why she's called the BrickWall will come) through the Sorority Sisters BMV at our first party together. She was about 5'1 (yes I like those small little ones) and had cute eyes, long hair, breasts were bigger than Mary's which made her so much hotter. She was a real cutey and I was a little attracted to her when I first saw her. That first party had me taking her to the bathroom a couple of times cause she was puking a lot. Little did I know, I would be going out with her a year later. BrickWall and I became friends but this was a night maybe months BEFORE we started going out. Believe it or not, Ranch thought BrickWall was damn cute too and wanted to go for her. I didn't give a shit, and told him to go right ahead - I had no interest to start a relationship with her, or anyone else at the time.

Ranch arrives around 10:30pm and brings a case of Mike's and Islanders (both coolers). I'm in the midst of Djing with Winamp and crossfaders using tempo plug-ins. I was having a blast fiddling with the music while Ranch begins flirting with BrickWall. After a couple of coolers each, we head over to FH for one of those special Asian events again. Talked with Trekki's friend who she BBB'ed many times, Trix and sat down at a table inside FH. Trekki came over and said hi to me and BrickWall. Turned out she knew BrickWall - The world is too small - now I know why i'm famous for my deeds across campus. It was time to get a drink.
[Note that BrickWall was underage at this point - 18 years old (fuck you she's still legal). And the beauty about FH is that you can still enter the club but with X's marked on both hands along with a wristband that labels you as "young loser that can't drink". I felt sorry for her, but since we pre-drank anyway it didn't matter all that much.] I knew FH's policies fairly well, being a regular there for 2 years running now, and one thing you don't do is hand an underage a drink. The Maestro, thinking he can get away with this and thinking he's different from all others who have been caught, HANDS BrickWall a sex on the beach. She sips it and moments later, staff members take her to the BACK ROOM. I"M FUCKED. The Maestro is declared officially RETARDED. Me and Ranch sit there and we knew we were in deep shit. The staff members come back out with BrickWall and she had to name who gave her the drink. She shamefully points me out along and I lie through my teeth:
FH Staff: Did you buy her a drink?
Me: No i didn't BUY her a drink ( I just handed it to her...and she took a sip)
FH staff: Come with us

So we're in the BACK ROOM now. Me, Ranch and BrickWall are confronted by a manager and another staff member. The manager begins to drill us on how stupid it is to hand an underage a drink and how it's against the law and shit like this. Then he proceeds to pound out who gave the girl the drink. Being the shameless nitwit that I am, I do not admit to my crime. I knew that if I did, I would not be able to step foot in FH for at least the rest of the semester - which is a good 3 months of kickass partying. I am not about to give that up. I'm such an asshole aren't I?
Ranch decides to be Neo and owns up to this on behalf of me. He was our saviour that suffered for my crime. Actually he didn't get any punishment since he went to another school and he played it off like he didn't know she couldn't drink. Ultimately, it came back to MY responsibility to make sure my guests don't do that. Luckily, only BrickWall's ID was photocopied into their database and she was banned from the premises for 2 weeks. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH It's funny now, but we were ALL raging mad at that point. I kept saying that we've learned our lesson and can we go back in please? AHAHAHAHAHA
The manager basically said he's lucky he didn't call the police and shit. So he lets us out through the back. We weren't even in the club for 20 mins and we get kicked out. This would be the first and last time The Maestro is ever kicked out of FH. SHAFT #1.

We decide to head back to my room for more crazy Djing on the comp for me and finish the rest of the coolers. While I'm DJing, Ranch tells me secretly that he has thte hots for BrickWall and I tell him to go have his fun. So he proceeds to massage her neck and shoulders, all the while BrickWall is moaning with satisfaction - My speakers increase in volume. Then Ranch starts playing with BrickWall's hair - i did'nt want to witness a barbie session and almost opened some porn.
He goes "Your hair is nice."
BrickWall: Thanks...
Me: (Trying hard not to laugh cause we're all so fucking drunk and Ranch wants to cum all over Christmas BrickWall's hair.)

The night gets progressively boring and suddenly all of our stomachs are growling from hunger. We walk a good 15 minutes to the local plaza for some food. BrickWall wanted chicken wings and Ranch wanted a pita, and The Maestro is dying for his noodles. Ranch is successful in purchasing his pita at a pita place. As we head down the strip for wings, we find that it is closed - 2am and it's FUCKING closed. SHAFT#2. We head to local tea place and we're in luck - it's open! I proceed to order a noodles. "Sorry our kitchen is closed." IT"S FUCKING 2 AM and you have customers here that are drunk, YOU CANNOT CLOSE THE KITCHEN. OPEN THE DAMN STOVE AND BOIL ME MY NOODLES. HOLY FUCK.
They do not comply. SHAFT #3. In addition, they proceed to tell us we're not supposed to bring other food in, e.g. Ranch's Pita., but since there aren't that many people there it was OK this time. I was literally going to take Ranch's pita and stuff it in the waiter's face. I asked "DID your drinks station close too?" UNBELIEVABLE. Good thing it didn't, i would've lost it.

We begin sipping our drinks when I survey the cafe to see 1 guy sitting at a table quite close. This guy had on the typical thick glasses, buttoned up collared shirt all the way to his neck that constricted his air circulation, jeans that wrapped ABOVE his waist line, and hair so messed up to a degree I didn't think possible. He was sitting there, reading "Thermodynamics of Heat Transfer." I realized that 2 years later I would be reading the same book in a course of mine - turns out I'm a geek engineer like him - only much cooler. Me and Ranch both study engineering, but we knew how to party - which sets us at a totally different sector than HIM. Me and Ranch were pretty angry at this point, after getting shafted 3 times, he was a primary target of attack. We wailed on him like there was no tomorrow. He was asian like us, but all the cool Asians were at that FH event enjoying the time of their lives - getting drunk and busy on the dance floor. The fact that this person chose NOT to go out of his own free will makes him the biggest loser on the face of the earth. [Note ALSO that this is 2 weeks into the semester - WHO THE FUCK STUDIES 2 weeks in? I don't even buy my textbook until 2 weeks BEFORE the final exams. This guy needed a lesson. And a lesson was taught by Maestro and Ranch. BrickWall was too dizzy and laughed at everything we did. The banter is described as acurately as I could remember:

Ranch: ARE YOU AN ENGINEER????? (with the dumbest look on his face)
we all crack up - except for ThermoGeek.
ThermoGeek: Yes. Yes. (he's quite shaken from the way Ranch was asking.
Maestro: HAHAHAH REALLY? I didn't notice, what's that book you're reading? Is it interesting?
ThermoGeek: yes, it's thermodynamics.
Maestro: YEAH i saw that on the cover...so why aren't you at the party like everyone else that is cool?
ThermoGeek: I have to study.
Maestro: IT"S FUCKING 2 WEEKS into school, YOU HAVE NO LIFE. DO YOU feel HOT when you read that book?
At this point Ranch and BrickWall are cracking up so hard behind me....I tried to keep my laughter in....but i burst out 2 seconds later and the entire wait staff is staring at us with WTF looks. We decided we've scarred ThermoGeek enough and leave the cafe. Still laughing, we decided to head back to FH (it was around 2:30am and the party would probably be ending) to see if anyone we knew was leaving the club. On the way over there, we ask every Asian a question (who we knew would be uncool since every other COOL Asian was at the event that Me Ranch and BrickWall got kicked out of because of my stupid actions.)
"ARE YOU AN ENGINEER?" I'll have you note that of the 10 or so people we asked, ALL OF THEM SAID YES. Which makes you think, How many UNCOOL GEEK ASS engineers are there? But none can top ThermoGeek - who is studying at 2am in the morning at a cafe....2 weeks into school.

20 minutes later we arrive at FH and see some people I know, but they didn't feel like having an after party since they had such a good time there ALREADY. Yes I know, I'm sorry Ranch and BrickWall. We continue walking until we reach a parking lot, where a bunch of Psych students came up to us and asked us to do a survey invovling Breathalyzer tests. WHAT FUN!!! We all blew into the tube and they asked if we were going to drive. Ranch was the only one who had a car, but I answered Yes anyway. HAHAAHAHAHAHA another fit of laughter from the 3 of us. My reading was a measly 0.043 - still under the legal limit of 0.05. They said "Well, you're in luck, you can still drive, but you're barely under the legal limit." THANKS A LOT, They let us keep the breathalyzer tube too (not the whole thing, just the mouth piece). I lost that thing the next day. AHHAHA
I walked BrickWall home, contemplated making out with her, but decided to control my horny self. So I left quickly before I changed my mind.
I was still pretty buzzed when I passed out on my bed at 4:15am.

I woke up the next morning at 7am to get ready for work. I think I fell asleep at my desk.

When I actually took the Thermodynamics course 2 years later, I could only remember this story. I think during the final exam I held in my hysteria when I day dreamed about that day, thinking : maybe if I studied 2 weeks into the term like ThermoGeek I wouldn't be scrambling through my cheat sheets trying to find the answer. Oh well I think I rocked that course with an 82.

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